Never A Dull Moment with Camden Noir
Never A Dull Moment with Camden Noir
Mustard had the pleasure of speaking with author of Substack's NEVER A DULL MOMENT and Label 228 Camden Noir.
Mustard has observed that sometimes human life can be dull. Humans are asked to do tasks (or activities) that can be deemed as ‘boring.’ These boring tasks can include anything from filing taxes to appease the Internal Revenue Service, going to a birthday party for a coworker you barely know, getting an oil change, and so much more. These activities, for the most part, do not bring humans joy. They have also observed that not all humans share the same interest. What one human may find boring another may find titillating.
Thankfully there are humans like
who never provides those around them with a dull moment. Camden Noir, author of NEVER A DULL MOMENT and Label 228 has done a lot of exciting things. They are a writer, former tattoo artist, Veteran, and have some excellent ideas that Netflix should consider. Camden is one of the first humans that appeared on their Substack Notes feed. Mustard is elated to have the opportunity to chat with Camden about their sense of humor, tattoos, their publications, and so much more.Mustard wonders:
has Camden Noir appeared on your Substack Notes? Can you recall the first Note of Substack you saw or interacted with? Mustard is excited to know!
If you are not already subscribed to NEVER A DULL MOMENT and Label 228 Mustard highly recommends you treat your email inbox to the work of Camden Noir.
Mustard hopes you enjoy our conversation below!
1. Mustard is grateful and appreciative to have you join them at Music Shelf. How are you doing today?
Amazing! Just kidding, they pay me to say that. I’m alright though.
2. Mustard has observed you are a self-declared humorist, part time tattooer, and full time writer. Which came first? How do you balance each of these?
At the time I made my Substack, I was working at a tattoo shop that I owned with a family friend. I was writing everyday, so the joke was that I was a full time writer (without work), and a part-time tattooer which was my everyday job.
3. They wonder what type of humor appeals to you most? How does this humor reflect in your work?
Humor is humor and I’ll take it in any form. You don’t even have to be funny, just funny looking I read a lot of David Sedaris so when it comes to words, he’s my favorite humor writer.
4. Mustard learned that a tattoo is a piece of art that permanently lives on the human body. Could you share more about the art and process of tattooing? Where is the best place to get a tattoo? What is your most commonly requested tattoo? Have you ever tattooed a condiment bottle onto a human?
I’ve since stopped tattooing unfortunately, but can still answer most of these questions. The best place to get a tattoo is Rose Tattoo Club in Savannah, Ga! But if you’re talking placement on the body, anywhere by the face, neck or hands. Make sure you can hide your tattoos, at least until you get enough of them.
I haven’t actually tattooed a condiment bottle on someone, but I tattooed a hot dog, doing a kickflip over a fire hydrant when I was younger. That was one of the more fun requests I’ve had.
5. Mustard has observed that you have tattoos. What was your first tattoo? How do your tattoos represent you?
My first tattoo was some kanji that I got on the back of my arm. I’ve since forgotten what it says and even tried covering it up, but my tattooist only darkened it, pronouncing it more.
My tattoos don’t really represent me as a person. I know that’s why people get them, to become the person they feel like they are, but my tattoos haven’t wholly defined me.
When I began collecting them, they were little time stamps of life that I could look back to. Anytime I scrubbed the dirt off of the grenade penned on my leg, I can remember the way the prison smelled when I went to jail for bringing an actual grenade to the police station.
The shark on my arm that I had touched up twice only to cover up completely will always be a reminder of the day that I almost died.
Tattoos are cool, but the stories that come with them are cooler than that.
6. You are a full-time writer. When did you first begin writing? Is there a specific writer(s) who inspired you to begin writing?
After losing a bunch of weight in 2023, rapidly I might add, my clock seemed to tick on double time. Days passed and I couldn’t remember what happened, so I downloaded a journal app to my phone and decided to write everyday.
I’ve since continued writing everyday for 600 plus consecutive days so far.
I wouldn’t say that any writers inspired me to write, but a lot of them have helped in the process. Writing felt like a compulsion, a desire to fulfill and as soon as I began the journey, I knew I was on the right path.
Authors like Palahniuk, Sedaris, and Saunders all have different writing styles, but I’m captivated by merely every word. Reading them has guided me in my work.
7. Chuck Palahnuik, David Sedaris, and Saul Williams are some authors you have read multiple times. Which book by each do you recommend readers check out?
Chuck Palahniuk - Survivor, or Adjustment Day
David Sedaris - When you are engulfed in flames
Saul Williams - Said the shotgun to the head
8. Who (or what) influences you?
I’m more influenced by music than anything. Like the old adage goes, “A picture tells a thousand words,” well so does a lyric. Artists like Aesop Rock, and Slaves can tell a story with one line, and I try to do the same in my writing.
9. You operate NEVER A DULL MOMENT on Substack which is a semi-quotidien journal from an everyday dude. When did you first get the idea to start a Substack? Could you share more about your creative process?
I actually emailed George Saunders, who is a writing teacher at my Alma mater, Syracuse University.
I asked if he offered classes and he told me about Substack, so I downloaded it immediately.
Ever since, it’s been amazing.
My creative process is frantic, since I am a “hack of all trades.” I tend to begin a new project without finishing the previous one, rinse and repeat until I’m drowning in unfinished work. As long as I write something every day, I can be satisfied with the day. Like a gym rat who has to touch a dumbbell five times a week, I need that same feeling through writing. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. I’ll edit it later anyways.
10. NEVER A DULL MOMENT offers paid subscriptions. What comes with a paid subscription to NEVER A DULL MOMENT?
I offer paid subscriptions as an option, but there aren’t many incentives that come with it honestly. I post my work for free, and leave it available for three weeks for readers to catch up before going behind a paywall.
Paid readers can catch up on the earlier stuff, and since it’s written in order, it’d be like reading the book on your phone. Boom! There it is. Marketing.
I’m sorry. I’m not good at marketing myself.
11. Additionally you are a writer for Label 228 which is a collection of artwork displayed on Priority Mail Labels. It features artists from all over the world. What is your collaboration process like? How do you artists get involved with Label 228?
I’ve been collecting Priority Mail labels from artists since 2006, and haven’t stopped. At first, it was by word of mouth but then the Internet helped me get the word out. I’m always accepting labels, just need to get a PO BOX so artists can mail their work in. Once I get that established, I can send out a call to artists but in the meantime, the Instagram for the project is @label228project
12. Being a music publication Mustard wonders who are some artists that Camden Noir enjoys listening to?
Currently listening to all sorts of things.
Aesop Rock
Snoh Alegra
1876
Willie Hutch
Monophonics
The Lox
I’m all over the place with music, just as I am with reading.
13. You are allowed to create a mixtape for a road trip. What songs are compiled onto this mixtape?
Oh, man. It depends on the person but if we’re talking classics, there has to be at least three Creedence Clearwater Revival songs on there.
Drift away by Dobie Gray would have to be on there, and Come sail away by the Styx.
Motorcycle by Colter Wall would be a good one if you were on a bike.
Heading south - Zach Bryan
Coming home - City and Colour
Deftones - bored
White knuckle ride - soft play
Crank it up - Joey Valance
Convenience stores - buddy wakefield
Independent films - shy high
Rainy night in Georgia - Chris Young
14. What music pairs well with NEVER A DULL MOMENT and Label 228?
The theme song they play before the crash test dummies hit the wall.
15. Mustard would like to thank you for your service. On Notes you have expressed your trouble with the VA. What are some things the VA can implement to provide a better overall experience?
It’s not all of the VA complexes, and I’d be stupid to go up against the largest budget in the world. The one here in Savannah, although new, is lacking in the care that it provides. Too long to type out here, but the whole system needs to be looked at with a narrower lens.
16. You recently coined the term "Busties?" Has it taken off since you suggested it? Is it common for humans to have friends with benefits?
It has not. I don’t believe so anyways. If that’s your thing, more power to you. I’ve been with the same beautiful, amazing person for almost 10 years so it’s not common for me. But when you’re younger and still figuring life out, why not? Just be safe. There’s a lot of shit you cant laser off.
When I was younger, I also tried to coin the term, “No leaks.”
When someone asks, “Hey, how’s it going?,” you could reply, “No leaks!,” referring to your ceiling, your car, or your genitalia.
It’s multifaceted, and sounds cool but I’m not the one to pull it off. When I say it, I sound Canadian, which is fine, but then I feel like a poser. ::sighs:: I wish I was Canadian.
17. Please rank these types of hot dogs: boiled, grilled, and deep fried. What are your go-to condiments?
It goes grilled, deep fried, and then boiled.
Now that I’m 40, I have to watch my processed food intake but if I’m ever out to death and offered a last meal, a hot dog will be on that list.
Cheese filled, wrapped in bacon, and deep-fried. Topped with relish, mustard, and fresh jalapeños. Two of those and I’d be ready for the chair.
18. Has anyone provided you with a phone number to Netflix executives? Could you share one of your pitches?
They haven’t! The bastards. I have an idea for a show called “Cut for time,” and it’s all the extra footage that cut on our favorite tv shows and movies. Back when DVD’s were popular, I’d watch the directors cut with commentary and wished there was a way to just watch the extra stuff to memorize it. I did that as a kid.
I also have an idea where I chop up Seinfeld episodes and add punchlines to make the show funny.
19. Facebook is a place to find recipes and get yelled at. Do you have a favorite Facebook recipe? How can someone avoid getting yelled at on this platform?
I do not have a favorite Facebook recipe since I gave up on the site years ago besides accidentally posting from my Instagram. My best advice would be to stay off social media. Unless you’re lucky, it will deteriorate your spirit and rot your brain.
20. When is the best time to enjoy "Coach's Water?"
Morning shifts mostly, but also if you’ve had too much carbonation and still want to catch a buzz. See also, basketball games, golf ventures, and walking around the zoo.
21. Mustard appreciates and is grateful for your positive energy that can be found throughout your Notes. How does Camden Noir like to practice R&R?
I haven’t relaxed since the Bush administration so a day of R&R for me is staring at the sculpture that I’m currently working on. It’s a 4’ sculpture of a dollar sign made entirely out of little, army men figurines. Next I’m going to do a peace sign, and possibly an M-16.
22. What is on the horizon for Camden Noir?
I’m hoping to get these sculptures built to present them to galleries and museums and eventually I’d love to showcase my work at the National Portrait Gallery in DC. It’s a lofty dream, but if I scream loud enough, maybe I’ll be one of those lucky people I talked about earlier.
23. What is the best way for readers to stay in touch with Camden Noir?
I’ve got a few avenues to follow me if you’re interested!
@label228project on Instagram
Label 228 on Substack and NEVER A DULL MOMENT.
Thanks again, Mustard!! Stay spicy!
Music Shelf with Mustard is a publication that interviews independent musicians from all across the globe. It is read in 34 states and 28 countries. Check out previous interviews here.
Music Shelf with Mustard originally began in early 2021. Inspired by independent musicians on social media application TikTok Mustard knew they had to do something to help share their music. Shortly after Music Shelf with Mustard was born. Its goal is to highlight independent artists from all across the globe. Mustard appreciates you taking the time out to read this interview.
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Great interview